An open letter to Connor
On August 6, 2020, I wrote this.
I may never meet you my love.
I've asked our Father in Heaven to not allow for us to meet until He trusted me with you.
Until He trusted your dad and I to give you back to Him. To plant seeds of Him, to demonstrate His love to you constantly, and to never miss an opportunity to teach you about Him, His sovereignty, and His unfailing never changing love.
Even as I type this letter I imagine reading it to you one day.
To all of you.
But that may never happen. I may never be trusted with such a big responsibility.
Even though that hurts I'm ok with it.
I rather never meet you and deal with that pain than to birth you into such a wicked world and not do my part in guiding you back to the Father.
You belong to Him.
I belong to Him.
Even though I love you.
I love Him more.
If the Lord blesses me with the opportunity to mother you I pray you don't take the last couple sentences the wrong way.
I love you and I want you here.
But He loves you and wants you more.
My love will NEVER compare to His.
But if He isn't the one filling the cup that I pour into you and your siblings. Then I don't want you. Any of you.
I want you to stay with him.
I love you.
On December 4, 2021, I had the luxury of attending my baby shower.
I can't believe it's actually happening!
God answered my prayer!
Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it. John 14:13-14 ESV
That verse is a promise Christ makes to us. It's a declaration.
And as I sit and reflect on God's promises one thing for sure two things for certain, he is not man that He should lie. He always keeps His word!
I can't believe I'm actually about to be your mother.
Your dad and I have been given the opportunity to raise one of God's children.
I hope we make you guys proud!
I believe that we will, and not because of us but because of Him. I trust Him. I trust that he'll never leave us. I trust that He'll guide us as we train you up in the way you should go.
I'm excited! I hope you are too! Lol!
I don't have much to say other than when you get old enough to read this; trust Him always! Trust His promises and don't forget them.
He'll do what he said he would.
He is the way, the truth and the life. John 14:6
You will be faced with moments where you can't see the promise, and you'll be tempted to doubt. Don't! Rebuke the doubt and fear in Jesus' name. And trust the Lord!
Photo by: Kai Bell